1939 Wife-Quality Test

You can see the whole thing in an image here. Below is what it says.

Demerits Merits
1. Slow to coming to bed–delays until husband is almost asleep 1. A good hostess–even to unexpected guests.
2. Doesn’t like children. 2. Has meals on time.
3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly. 3. Can carry on interesting conversation.
4. Wears soilded ragged dresses and aprons around the house. 4. Can play a musical instrument, as piano, violin, ect.
5. Wears red nail polish. 5. Dresses for breakfast.
6. Often late for appointments. 6. Neat housekeeper… tidy and clean.
7. Seams in hose often crooked. 7. Personally puts children to bed.
8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream. 8. Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first.
9. Puts her cold feet on husband to warm them. 9. Asks husband’s opinion regarding important decisions and purchases.
10. Is back seat driver. 10. Good sense of humor–jolly and gay.
11. Flirts with other men at parties or at restaurants. 11. Religious–sends children to church or Sunday school and goes herself.
12. Is suspicious and jealous. 12. Lets husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays.

8 thoughts on “1939 Wife-Quality Test

  1. Ed Lebert says:

    He’s a PhD and MD, so it must be true. Also, whatever PhDs say today must also automatically be judged as true 70 years from now.

  2. I think Dr. Crane is a math whiz… I’d be curious to see how a wife would achieve a 76 or higher.

    When you count my demerits (#1, 3, 4, 9, 10) against my merits (#1, 3, 4, 9, 10), I come up with a zero. Go me!

    I got a good laugh at this. It made my day, Adam, thanks.

    Was there a chart for husbands? Or are such things unnecessary?

  3. Okay, I lied. They’re not totally obnoxious if you read the whole thing. And the math issue is because the test for each gender is four pages long. :)

    My favorite from the husband test:

    “Takes wife out on dates during the week.” (5 pts per date)

    “Gives wife real movie kisses, not dutiful ‘peck’ on the cheek.”

    “Ardent lover — sees that wife has orgasm during marital congress” gets 20 points.

    Marital congress… is that what the kids are calling it these days?

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