I have decided to allow my local Post Office worker “Jerry” an oppurtunity to respond to the inflammatory remarks made on the John Larroquette Project. A note to the readers: I sometimes let the person behind me go ahead if I know I am going to be served by “Jerry.”
Hi. This is Jerry from your friendly neighborhood United States Postal Service here. I wanted to take the time here to respond to some of the issues raised by the John Larroquette Project and defend the honor of the great John E. Potter. I believe this kind of reaction, though representative of the broader culture, is profoundly misguided. But let me just say a few things first.
Did you know we offer delivery confirmation for just $0.65? We also ensure things up to $50. Would you like both of those features on your next delivery? No? It’s only sixty-five cents! That’s a can of soda. Can’t get much for sixty-five cents these days. Don’t you want to be able to know if your item gets lost? Do you want to send that First Class? Priority Mail, or Overnight? How about Media Mail? Do you want any stamps? We do have the “Forever Stamp” which is still usable from last year. You never know when the price of stamps will go up!
Excuse me, are there any hazardous materials in that hand gun you are pointing at me? We don’t deliver anything with batteries in it. Or perfume. To let that slide would let the Terrorists win!
I didn’t mean to insult you. I just want you to know that we will ensure the delivery of your item up to $50 for an extra $4 and that you can get delivery confirmation for $0.65. Going once…
Going three times!
Third times a charm!
That will be $0.42 please.