Congress to Pass Non-Binding Resolution to Put Thumbs Up Butts

WASHINGTON D.C.—With the many important issues before the nation Congress has set its agenda for the 2008 legislative session by planning to pass a non-binding resolution to put their thumbs up their butts. The resolution comes at a crucial time when Americans are facing a sagging economy, the housing crisis, a mounting national debt, the weakness of the dollar, and a protracted war in Iraq. The motion is expected to be passed in record time as deliberations lasted for a brief 38 minutes as leaders from both Democrat and Republican Parties formed a bi-partisan coalition promising to pass the resolution in both the House and Senate unanimously.

Originally the resolution began as a bill that would legally bind members of congress to place their thumbs up their butts as well as well members of state governments making it a Federal offense to be legislatively productive. However, the bill got bogged down by veto threats from the Whitehouse and failed to obtain a majority in the Senate when members from both parties did not bother show up for the vote. “Busyness on the campaign trail is the reason why we are not all currently sitting around with our thumbs in our rear ends,” said Republican leaders when asked about the failure of the bill.

Nevertheless, congress felt it was important to pass a non-binding resolution to make a symbolic statement, “I believe this represents our core values as a nation,” said Senator Joseph Biden (D-IA), “It demonstrates our freedom to willfully exercise our right to place our thumbs in our butts—something our Founding Fathers intended Congress to do—without coercion.”  

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